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Princess Peach Totool has ruled over the Mushroom Kingdom for many years, keeping a calm and kind demeanor as she juggles her monarchly duties with repeated abductions and appearances in sports games.

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She is the sweetheart of the Mario universe, a pretty pink princess often associated with cakes and hearts and other extremely saccharine things. But is that sweetness just a candy coating produced by Peach to hide whatever disgusting flavor lies underneath?

I believe so. Because she is an authority figure who is keeping a secret. There is not much to see or do in this room, but thorough searching will yield a peachs xxx item hidden behind the fireplace. You have no choice but to leave the mystery item alone and take the bribe.

Later on, you can go back and try to get the item again after the Princess s your party, but you will get no closer to the truth on the second try. After finding the??? I do not remember how I ever found it the first time, and that time, I gave it very little thought before I went on my way. It took a few more times for the unknown item to spark my curiosity, and soon the urge to know the truth began to chomp on my guts. What is this secret item that Peach wants to keep hidden from everyone, even the man she loves and depends upon more than anyone else?

Before getting started with my theories, I feel I need to get my singular overlying idea down first: whatever it is peachs xxx Totool is hiding, it is something terrible. As I grew older, I became wiser to the evils of the world.

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I became increasingly suspicious of Totool and her secret item. Besides, behind fireplaces are where people tend to hide things of a more sinister nature. Why she would hide such items in this manner is pretty self-explanatory, as no one keeps their unmentionables out in the open for everyone to see.

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Things of an adult nature would be something she would want to try and keep secret from the people who believe she is peachs xxx pure, innocent soul. Additionally, she would most certainly want to keep it from Mario to keep leading the poor guy along, as if the occasional peck on the cheek is all it takes to satisfy her. What business does Peach even have owning WMDs? The same business any huge world power has with owning weapons of mass destruction: frightening outside threats into submission, maintaining her iron grip over the Toad people, and to quench her thirst for power.

Nothing makes a leader feel more bad ass than knowing that they can wipe a small continent off the map with the single push of a button.

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The whole weak princess act could very likely be a front to fool potential enemies until the day she gets bored and decides to expand the Mushroom Kingdom. She not only hides these bombs to keep her enemies guessing, but also because she is fearful of tarnishing her reputation as a sweet girl.

Peach does not peachs xxx anyone to know that she is in any way violent, or entertains the idea of nuking Sarasaland every time peachs xxx has a squabble with Daisy. Perhaps there is a reason why the Princess keeps letting herself be taken away by the evil Koopa King, and the memories are all kept stashed away for no one else to see.

Because it is all a front. One could argue that she once left herself defenseless for the opportunity to entice Mario into visits, as he was not originally from her world being a New York City native and only made appearances when she needed saving. But now that he resides in the Mushroom Kingdom permanently, there is really no other excuse for her behavior. The reasons for keeping such mementos from Mario makes perfect sense. If Mario were to find pictures of Bowser and Peach having fun together or love letters that reveal his kidnappings to be planned romantic excursions, not only would it completely break his heart, but it would expose her as a hussy who sleeps with the enemy and le on the hero just for show.

Any leader would want to avoid such a scandal like the plague.

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Anyone who has something to hide often have hidden rooms behind bookcases and fireplaces. Some hide secret laboratories, others use them as traps. A cold stone prison where King Totool has long been locked away and robbed of his crown. While her subjects believe the King has passed on, the Princess gains his power.

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Has anyone ever noticed that there is no trace of the King of the Mushroom Kingdom anywhere in any of the Mario series? Peach is always backed up by advisors like the Chancellor or Toworth, but never her father.

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Some may believe she was simply adopted by the Toad people, but there is a King Totool. There, he appeared to be half Toad, half human, and somewhat scatterbrained. The most apparent reason why Peach would have to keep such a nasty little secret is, of course, control. Since getting her father out of her way, she has used poor To as living shields and throws her kingdom in chaos each time she goes missing.

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However, there is another side to this theory: shame. Outwardly, Peach appears to be the only pure human in a land full of mushroomhe. But the truth may be that she is a mutt, the product of a man who was born of a love between a Toad woman and a human male. Peach is a woman who is trying to hide all traces of her mixed heritage.

She is ashamed that she is not a full-blood, as a monarch should be.

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What better way to deny the past than to hide the proof away, proclaim him deceased, and use his power to feel more in control of her life after feeling out of control of who she really is? There are some people who, upon reading this, will agree and add other devious ideas to the list. Then there are some who will suggest that this secret item is nothing to be concerned about because Peach is a kind princess who could not possibly be up to no good.

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But just think about this before you yourself delve into this mystery: a leader who has something to hide is a leader who cannot be trusted. Filed under Destructoid Originals. : Gran Turismo has let us down, but Forza 3 is here to help.